Explorations of mind, paths, and life

The Art of Presence

Posted on March 9, 2010 - Filed Under journaling, learning, Photography

I wish I had a voice every day. A voice to paint what goes on for me along the moments of my life as I ride along. I have a voice in so many venues but here… and that isn’t anyone’s fault but mine. Writing presents all kinds of blocks. I am working HARD to stick to my morning pages, but find that my day creeps in under the covers, pulls back my eyelids, and immediately whispers, “you need to get going… there is no time for morning pages” before I even get a word in edgewise. Morning Pages, if you aren’t privy to the workings of the Artist Way, are a daily exercise of extracting those ethereal early morning thoughts, ideas, musings, aggravations, and mindful movements… if just to give them a voice, peeling back layers of repressed creativity and self discovery. When I have attended to them I find a level of joyfulness that wanders hand in hand with my shadow. When I don’t, I find my shadow sulking about… and as usual I ignore it, which is why it has gotten to this frightful state. It completely boggles my mind how some of my favorite bloggers manage to drudge up something to write about every day, week, month… and I find everything else to do BUT write.

My days lately have included a photo date with myself. My new Canon camera follows me everywhere… and even on the most uninspiring days, I still HAVE to take a picture for Spirited Sisterhood. God forbid that I let the universe in California down, or MY Universe that is just tickled that I HAVE to be creative every day… whether I like it or not… and I can’t ignore it unless I have been hit by a train (and if so, it better be at the end of the daily photo shoot.)  What I find is that I am gaining confidence behind my lens… making efforts to ask for a photo when I REALLY want one of genres that may be considered “none of my business.” I love the exercise of asking for what I want… even if uncomfortable… even if scary. I hope these little exercises help me ask for what I want in other areas of my life…

Today I met Laura for coffee. Laura with her little Winter attached. Little Winter, full of eager friendliness and chatter filled stories, and all that self absorbed energy that is so permissible at age 4 (AND not 3 anymore.) I could hardly concentrate on planning while that soft pink skin wiggled and chattered. Winter’s big fluid eyes danced behind eyelashes so long they practically fanned air each time she blinked. She was an absolute joy to photograph, promptly posing when I pulled out my camera. And, something in me really missed working with kids.

Why, why so enthralled. Why so many years as an elementary school teacher… why so drawn to children? I totally love that playful creative energy that comes from children. The world circles them, and time is at their command. There is no judgment of others just yet, no games of the heart, no interest in money or wealth. Everything is within the universe that includes their parents and their energy. Kids are their own best audience, they carry on with fantasy and creativity that if you listen long enough can draw you in and hold your inner child just long enough generate a long lost smile.  I know a piece of me is reminded of my own innocence and beauty, reminded to be compassionate to myself, because it is here within the eyes of a child that I am also reminded of what was lost in the heart of my own inner child. I am reminded of the ways in which I struggled to create balance in my life before I even could fathom that balance was needed. It is here that I have started to unravel the early beliefs I have carried that mar my ability to accept love easily, to trust the world. In Winter’s warm little eyes I am reminded to love myself, as exuberantly as she loves herself, her stories, her artwork, her energy. “Look at what I can do!” is all about “Look at who I am, see me and all my energy, all my liveliness, my soulful joy in being present with myself right here… right now.”

That is the message I keep trying to tap in my morning pages… being present with myself, right here, right now. My camera lens creates that in snapshots every day. It keeps me present with what the world offers in that very second, with just that light, and just those colors, never to exist in the same way again. Why miss it? Every moment is brilliant! Now I just have to convince my internal, creative, voice to be present… because every moment truly is brilliant.


One Response to “The Art of Presence”

  1. Twitted by soulhangout on March 10th, 2010 12:39 pm

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