Explorations of mind, paths, and life

Posted on October 29, 2009 - Filed Under self reflect

It has been weeks. All kinds of adventures have ensued, and yet I draw a blank looking at this page, like a field of dirt, waiting for thoughts to be planted, fertilized, and harvested. Something about the soil seems tedious, like it will take more work than I am willing to put in to make something happen. Yet, with a short gift of time, I’ve decided to walk along the page, dropping little peppers of thoughts as they come, just to tend to that soil a bit, in hopes something will grow there.

Certainly, life has been both joyful and sad. Family keeps my heart going, and little dates to do things outside of work keeps my mind going. I am gently and carefully detangling a web of existence so that I might see new things, do things differently, and love more easily. But, that detangling, pulling the thread from a woven cloth, leaves me feeling frayed. My body responds with all kinds resistance that turns up in tight muscles and twitches. Somewhere along the way I hope to find a steaming bath to help me undo what stress is so good at doing.

It has been a long time since I have felt this uncertainty, this level of unease with the unknown. I have faith in my ability to get through whatever comes, but the thought of all the bumps along the way make me tired and listless. Yet, there is also a slight excitement in my being about living life differently, feeling the winds shift, smelling something different in this soil. Life is a never ending pathway of choice, and it is only I who keeps me stuck, stagnant, and unmoving.

I am walking this ground, gently. Let’s see what comes of my efforts.


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