Explorations of mind, paths, and life

It hides in places…

Posted on January 17, 2009 - Filed Under self reflect

I carry regret and bitterness… it hides in places that I often tromp over with enlightened stories and friendly smiles. I wonder if it is what keeps me awake, wandering into our bedroom so late at night like a shadow of silenced feelings, hovering over my mind till my eyes open and I wonder what all is really happening, why my mind is moving like this when I sleep.

I’ve taken a new journey, for myself, trying to figure out what I hide away, like the boxes of old memories and artwork stuck on the top of the garage shelves. Every day I pass those boxes, dusty and quiet, and they aren’t part of my reality, even though I would see them IF I just looked up. And I wonder what keeps me from diving in and re-living each piece till I find answers, or maybe a trifle small bit of myself that I have forgotten. A box, full of magical colors, begging to be released between my fingers. A loom, half eaten, half filled with dabbles of yarn in an effort to weave some meaning from my creativity. Sketchbooks, full of dream-like Dali-isms, contortions of the part of me that stays so melancholy and tired. I crave more space – more room to spread out and meditate. New avenues to explore. I crave a space to sort out the bitterness so it doesn’t creep in to my feelings when I least expect it.


3 Responses to “It hides in places…”

  1. Mamita Ruby on January 17th, 2009 10:42 pm

    How bless you are to be so aware of those ghosts who hunt you and need to be discover with tender care, caress and hold dearly until you can see clearly how harmless they are. Everything we do and experience is part of growing spiritually and becoming open and willing to trace back the pages of the life ones lived and see the beauty of each effort and the courage it took to get there.
    All we do is for a reason. Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake.
    Go in and explore.
    I love you, always.

  2. Catherine on January 17th, 2009 11:36 pm

    Maybe it’s just me, but I have found comfort in this clip of Joan Baez singing Forever Young.

    I hope it soothes your heart.

    Thinking of you!


  3. Monica on January 18th, 2009 11:56 am

    I’m sending Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love” with Pito. You must read this book, even if you only read a few pages a day. I think you will be able to relate to her and will be inspired by her courage to make huge, terrifying leaps into the unknown. I love you. I think you have a lot of stuff churning in your head and heart and you are ripe for a blooming.