Explorations of mind, paths, and life

One Colorado Bullfrog Later…

Posted on May 4, 2008 - Filed Under self reflect

Ugh – at least I feel a little more relaxed. I took the dog for a long walk and came back along the lake so he would get some exercise swimming through the tall grass. The days have been gorgeous and I spent most of mine dealing with the bills, finding ways to involve Gary in the process as much as he hates it. He is wonderful at signing the checks, stuffing them in envelopes, and meticulously getting rid of old stamps, doing the math and figuring out how many more 1-5 cent stamps we need. [Yes, I still have stamps worth 36 cents or less] I know why he can’t stand type A clients, as he is very meticulous and doesn’t like disorder. The stamps are a complete mystery to him, “How the hell do you have stamps of every kind and not the right amount?” He grumbles at the process of figuring out which end to tear off of each statement that has a multitude of perforations on each page (I don’t blame him with some of them) then fusses because I am ready to move on and he is still trying to sort out the next group of pages stacked or folded together. At the end his eyes were red and he look thoroughly annoyed. In a way I felt better, that is just a tickle of the stress I manage about bills at least three times a month. He still doesn’t know much about how we are juggling bills, invoices, payments, gratitude checks. I wonder what would happen – each and every month that I do it alone – I wonder what the !@&* he would do if I weren’t here. It probably sounds like a mantra – as he has heard that from me several dozen times over the last 3-4 months. My neck has a spasm from sitting here half the day and my spirit is getting more and more impatient. [Gizmo also thinks that despite the long 1-hour walk, I need to throw his toy across the room a bazillion times between each word I type!] I am trying to figure out how to get him more involved with the money directly without being overwhelmed by multiple accounts and all my rules that are dependent on what time of the month it is, what checks have come in, how much we have, where we don’t have…etc.

I sit here… the Roombha grinding away at piles of fluff Gizmo has gutted from one of his many stuffed toys, and bits of sticks and leaves that Gizmo has brought in from the deck outside. Justin, coming in to give me tidbits of information that don’t follow any sort of logic while I am trying to dump a pile of thoughts between sips of Colorado Bullfrog and swats at little moths from a newly discovered moth infestation evolving from an open box of graham crackers Justin didn’t bother to close up in the cabinet after his last invasion of fire-pit smores. I know, as soon as 11pm hits, I will be upstairs, fighting away to feel comfortable amidst Gary’s serenades, and when I finally fall asleep around 2am, the Gray Heron’s will bring the party to our side of the lake and belt out their own guttural serenades, jolting me from that blissful time when I just don’t think as much as I do during the day. Blessed Bullfrogs….


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