theWORK -*-*-
Posted on February 26, 2006 - Filed Under self reflect
Well, it seems, Rollins is unscrupulous about their program, and when you think you have breathing room, they push you harder. Don’t get me wrong, I love learning, I love the freindships that have developed and having some purpose to focus on – and piecing together the theories – counseling families – is humbling. However, I almost quit this term, tired, feeling defeated by the endless “self processing” and the shivers of anxious effort to make a difference.
I learn a lot about me. I have a gawd-awful fear of abandonment – if I can’d do it right and satisfy everyone I seem to have this deeply embeded fear that they will stop loving me – and that really drives me more than anything… into an enormous amount of subconscious anxiety. The challenge, is figuring out how to recognize it and stop it.
Meanwhile- I have a handful of clients who are reflections of me- pieces of their lives glimmer at me from different angles, and touch that part of me that really knows. It makes for an interesting dance- as I seperate myself enough to listen and chew on the issues, only later to realize I can see myself in their mirrors.
I think I need to commit to working on my blog more… to let off steam.