Mindful-fun-da-mentals

Explorations of mind, paths, and life

Not the Only One…

Posted on December 13, 2016 - Filed Under autobiography, feelings, poetry

I am not the only one with pain
I am not the only one with a deep ache of loss
I am not the only one
I see yours there too

It’s just that you deny yours so deeply
I am drowning in the impenetrable
Your watchful sideways glance
Fearful
That I might see
The tepid movement of things you’ve quieted
Movement you’ve elbowed and bumped
Landscapes you have reduced to black and white
Agony you have buried, un-mattered
Whose roots try to break the concrete artery

I trip and stumble on the remnants
To a carefully shrouded spirit

I can not breathe
My truth
My story
My growth
My aching and glorious journey
While you sweep away at the path to yours
Or love you
In all the ways you beg to be seen
Listening to the stuttering heart beat
Seeking the matching and bounding pump of another

I can not breathe
In the dismissal of your depths
In the shrouding of your being
In the pools left to sit unmoving
The algae and tannins of dying exiles

The denial of your depths in turn
Denys the landscape of my own turbulent emotions
It attempts to keep them bound and tied
Instead of moving, bubbling and tumbling
Each stone an experience
The emotional waters a crisp and noisy wearing away
Ridged and lined layers, exposed gems
Sludge and swirling frothy music

You wonder why I look at you
Distances in my eyes
A touch, unconnected
You unwilling, unable
Unable to access the forgiveness of being human
Me uncertain, unable
Unable to show you what is alive in me
Without fear that it will be shushed
That its crust will be criticized
Without spotting the brilliant gleam at its core
That is its shifting essence
All that is emotion
Be swept under that broom you carry
So that I do not remind you of your pain
So that I do not remind you of your deep ache of loss
So that I do not remind you that you are not the only one
I see mine there too

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