Potential… Part II
Posted on November 1, 2010 - Filed Under beginnings, dream, fear, feelings, Uncategorized
A few weeks back, I felt as if I stood at a crossroads with blindfolds on – not knowing what direction to take, nor knowing what I really wanted. Then, a few nudges from a P3 weekend, and I came to see how much “fear” had me bound up and left me trembling. I followed that P3 weekend with a trip to Highlands, North Carolina, providing me a quiet respite from the usual conundrum of tasks.
It was in those quiet woods, streaming with autumn colors and the quiet calls of a myriad of creatures, that I began to see I didn’t HAVE to do anything just yet, just wait until my direction felt right. I colluded with 3 other women, enjoyed playing with piles of art supplies, stayed up late, woke to the cool warmth only a mountain visit can offer, and slept in the most luxurious marshmallow of a bed, piled high with down blankets and soft pillows, that ate me whole each night, then spat me out the next morning. I wrote morning pages, and drank coffee, and ate well, and cooked my heart out to the smacks and smiles of 4 others around the table, and fell drunk each night with the sweet clean air that consumed me each day…. the only thing I had to do was… no thing, be nowhere, call no one, and simply exist.
That is where the murmur of my previously confused and undirected mind finally began to dream again, and I realized there is potential for a lot of things to happen. I could lay around musing about moving to a foreign country, or consider a city I might want to visit, or play with words for a book I think I should start, or simply read a magazine, or stare at nature, or listen. My callings to the universe, to give me direction provided me a place to carry on the Artist Way workshops, and then a ritual of gratitude and lightness of being for 21 days – only 7 minutes each morning at 6:45a – and I have been feeling grounded and content. And I know, that I am on the path, or making my own path, just as I should, at this moment, and it will be a journey – if I keep my eyes open and observe the scenery.
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I think I had an entire essay written for just this page, and I must have written it in my sleep because here I return and find that there was a lot of potential in what I had written, but it was likely tossed around in my mind and never spilled out onto the page as it should have. Then – I accidentally posted when I wasn’t ready, but apparently, the universe thought I was…. Speaking of potential –