“How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now, and that there will never be a time
when it is not now.” ~ Gerald Jampolsky
Last Tuesday was a day full of movement for me… between wrapping up a chapter of my life, and literally starting a new one, I found myself uncertain and yet full of a different kind of energy. The week prior, on my visit to see my Dad and pick up Gizmo from being “Puppy-sat” I noticed a glimmer in reeds of grass. As a school teacher I had often watched with my kids the mysterious transitions creatures make, from cocoon to creature. It has been an underlying discussion for over a year as I have explored what I needed and made numerous painful and sometimes empowering decisions… all in an effort to emerge somehow, miraculously. And so, there hung a glimmering green chrysalis with tiny golden beads like a crown at the top, and a stretch of 3 gold dollops at the bottom. Over the next several days I coveted the treasure hanging near my Dad’s front door. And finally, on the new moon, I asked to take it home in a jar. I held it for a several moments, amazed at how it had changed from the day I originally found it… somewhat shrunken, a bit darker, the gold striking, and what felt like movement under the skin. However, I wasn’t sure and perched the treasure on my desk by the window. That night was filled with my humble prayers and thanks to the universe for continuing to keep my path clear, putting in place reminders of how amazing life is, and all the ways that I am loved and taken care of. I also took time to ask for what I needed (aside from a steady supplement to my income to ensure I can keep making mortgage payments and such) I asked that I be blessed in my life with people who are genuine and strong. I always, every new moon, affirm that I am open to the pointers, clues, messages, and gifts that are placed in my path. I pulled a blessed rune, and a soul card and quietly read the messages held behind each. Then, I took off to bed for an early morning visit to the courthouse.
Not knowing what to expect, or how I would feel, I walked out late Tuesday morning with a proclamation that I was no longer entwined in all the ways that marriage becomes a twisted rope of connections, dreams, needs, promises, and labels. I now had permission to cleanly, lovingly, let go and move forward. I enjoyed lunch with my soul-group friends and returned to my empty home. I was drawn immediately to the glass jar holding the chrysalis to find a brilliant Monarch clinging patiently to the remains of the grassy stem, wings fully extended…
I am loving my new sense of self: alive, moving, vibrating… that includes emotions from every angle, and a tremendous sense of relief that we both can step in new directions, in any way that we choose. I am content in this space, able to open myself to the world unrestrained, tender, and somewhat hungry.
I wake consuming new music like raspberry dark chocolate, wishing I could swallow each song and hold it there like a warm cup of tea or a shot of delicious sweet tequila. My body holds itself with a certain strength I have not known in my entire life… I enjoy doing things by myself, or with others. I find myself spreading my wings a bit, enjoying a new found beauty and self acceptance I had not always recognized. My skin, my face… all feel the world differently, feel others differently, and I “am.” In fact, I could say I am sunning myself in the pleasure of being.