Mindful-fun-da-mentals

Explorations of mind, paths, and life

In the Dark

Posted on June 28, 2009 - Filed Under self reflect

A little past midnight and I am laying here in the dark, unable to sleep and tired. My iTouch keeps me company as it sings my favorite lullabies of life: grief, struggle, love, longing, passion, and the endless journeys of artists new and old. The house quiet except for familiar creeks and the ongoing chatter of summer frogs.

I miss that feeling of being settled with myself. I feel dissonant from that gentle contented buzz that assures me of where I am on this journey. So much information offered, so many new behaviors dancing around me, like an exotic and sultry temptation, leaving me distinctly untrusting of what is or what is not. I am tired of the earth rumbling beneath me, relentless. If I could just sync myself to that rumble, perhaps I have some hope of finding the tender buzz of my truth that is familiar and certain. How did that buzz get so big, so loud, so shakingly different? If this bed would just quiet down I might find sleep slipping under the blankets with me, stroking my arm and assuring me that I will eventually find my answers below the mask of deep, subconscious rest. Until then I may just imagine stars on the ceiling and work to contaminate my restlessness with the swell and fall of my breath in the dark.

You have no idea how life’s influences keep me from finding myself lately…

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