Left with Shells
Posted on June 9, 2009 - Filed Under self reflect
Spent the day with a soul-mate friend of mine at Satellite Beach. It felt really good to open my heart and simply spill my guts all over the beach before her, knowing that she would keep vigil while I shifted the sand around all the feelings and thoughts, and truths that had been stirring inside. I knew it would be safely kept, without judgment or pressure. I could be vulnerable, quiet, confused, sad, and even look at my fear knowing she had my back. I trusted her to help me sort things out and reflect back to me where I am so I see a bit more clearly and am not fogged up by the fear. Today was a clear day for me. From it emerged gratitude and tenderness for those whose lives are so deeply part of mine. From it sprouted compassion for my own self, and a certain gentleness that I needed to know. From it came a sense of being centered in my feelings, as diverse as they have been lately, knowing all of it would be OK. She provided me some reminders, about honesty and courage, forgiveness, trust and wisdom, and shared her mantra, “Don’t let fear keep you from your truth. Fear clouds everything.”
So, I expect feelings to keep moving around. That is OK.
I expect there will be days in which the world looks too big to live in, and others in which it looks too small.
I expect that I will see, feel, and hear many things that will strike me, move me, sadden me, or bring me joy, as I untangle my life in all the ways it needs to be untangled, and that shouldn’t keep me from finding the courage to move into my own potential and spirit.
This is about my journey, my growth, my deepest potential and desire to fully experience who I am. Ultimately, I am the closest thing to really knowing my “self” and I am all there is when my final breath is taken. I am not willing to sleep away the good life I have, but move through it consciously. I returned with a handful of shells, the warmth of the sun on my back, sand between my toes, a level of clarity, and the gentle hug and kiss of a good friend planted firmly on my being.