Dream Carnival
Posted on August 10, 2008 - Filed Under self reflect
This morning, in the lull of sleep and awakening, I found myself tearing through a carnival of a dream, so much so, that I am not sure I wasn’t running around frantic all night long and I feel really worn out this morning. If you are not into reading the details of a dream – then skip this one…
My first thoughts (already an hour and half since I awoke – unfortunately – because the dog can’t wait and neither can breakfast) was that I was traveling and I came upon a mall of clothing entirely for “real size women.” As I went through stores I could see the manikins are size 10-12-14 and not size 2-4. I begin thinking about all the women I know who would love to find clothing and displays that are accurate to the average woman. As I emerge from the other end of the mall I am fussing with some light weight luggage and quite aware that I have my passport.
I am waiting with a young man [likely a student of mine] to go on to some sort of game show, but the wait was long and although they kept saying it would just be a few minutes, I gave up and asked if I could leave my luggage and run to the restroom. I then took off looking for a bathroom, finding one with lots of stalls, almost like a girls locker room. Something about the bathroom made an impression on me [and in the past, bathroom dreams for some reason tie in to a deeply hidden memory of being victimized/molested by a teacher in 4th grade – however I have noticed that the disgust and terror I had once felt in dream bathrooms has almost all but disappeared] I then emerged, hearing crowds of people laughing and cheering, and an announcer finishing up the description of the tasks to be completed. I was at the top of the set, looking down and I could see my competitor in front of a bizarre contraption. Two plates spun around on opposite ends of an arm allowing him to grab a meatball and put it on a plate while the other plate swung around, anticipating another meatball. He was practicing his hand at it, while filling up soda glasses and keeping a pot of sauce from burning. Waitresses were running by taking the meatballs and dumping them on a plate of spaghetti, then running them to audience members. A bit frustrated I ran down the bleachers to the seating area, squishing in between the crowd, and plunking my purse and small bag under the seat. The producer called me up, “hurry we are starting. You’ll figure it out.” My thought was simply that my competitor already knew what to do and I did not, so it was a bit unfair that I was called to task.
As I approach the contraption I somehow see myself on a hill looking down to the ocean. I see a massive shark at the cliff line. Production people are feeding it massive hunks of meat. I think to myself that this is much like Universal. I decide to head down but the find myself walking along those long steep streets of California, a blended environment between Grandpa’s house and San Francisco. I take a side street and pass a Church. I hear music coming from the church but the windows are boarded up and the door has a security door half closed in front of it. I walk around to a window and see a beautiful black woman playing the organ. I stand and listen then get distracted and begin walking towards an intersection, heading down yet another steep hill.
I have skates on, and a small crowd of kids catch up to me from behind. I know them, or at least one of them, and she grabs my arm as we skate down hill together laughing. I let go to do a skate trick [my knees, even in my dreams know they can’t do that anymore] and I get out of control and veer into a grassy area. We walk down together and I enter what I think is my grandfather’s house but instead it is a room. Inside I see a familiar face – he looks at me and I realize it is Brad Hicks [my first ever boyfriend – the one whose tongue I practically bit off when he tried to french kiss me!] He recognizes me and we hug. I ask if he is still married and I proudly show him my ring. He doesn’t say much, then a tall, freckled and red-haired man comes up to us. He looks at me surprised, and I ask, “Gary [Hicks]?” He smiles. He tells his brother he needs a hair cut and each of them grab one of my arms and we begin walking out to the street.
I see Brad go on ahead as we reach an apartment complex. Gary walks with me to the door. Brad has already completed some “secret knock.” When I go in the room is very dark. I see a table to the left. Sitting at it is Satan, a gypsy, and two other shadowed faces. It looks like they are playing cards with tarot cards. In the right corner is a computer with someone at it. Another person sits at a desk. Gary goes to the table and sits across from Satan. Gary seems very depressed. There is a door in the back that I figure Brad has gone through. I walk around looking at all the strange stuff then sit in a chair. A man with scruffy hair is sitting next to me. He puts his arm over my lap and breathes me in like he is smelling a flower. I am a bit uncomfortable. Another man turns around and I see another familiar face, Sammy. He has the same bowl haircut that he did when we were kids. He was the first boy I ever held hands with and went to a movie with [Xanadu & we never kissed]. Brad comes out from the back and asks if I want to join them for lunch. I follow them both out and we walk, Gary staying close and Brad up ahead. I lose Brad in a crowd. Gary says to me that he went in to the building where they used to give you “a green dress.” I see a very fancy entrance – like to the Waldorf or something. To the left of the doorway is a niche in which a golden statue of a woman’s body stands. It is wearing long pearls, and a short flapper dress – all gold. The only hint of green – to represent the green dresses – is a gleam of emerald from somewhere on the statue. I follow Gary in. It is crowded and there is a show somewhere down below – I sit in a chair and someone grabs it and wheels it backwards towards the sides, just above a stairway going down…. I wake up.