Mindful-fun-da-mentals

Explorations of mind, paths, and life

13 Years

Posted on August 7, 2008 - Filed Under self reflect

Today is the 13th anniversary of the birth of Justin. In the last two hours before having the opportunity to write this my head was filled with all kinds of stories to write about. I called my sister to inform her that I officially had a teenager today. She said, “It’s your birthday too!” “No, No” I replied, “I still have a week-ish to go.” “Yeah, I mean today is your BIRTH-day.”

I was struck with numerous thoughts on this, one of which occurs EVERY August 7th. Justin is, by far, the BEST gift I have ever gotten. I appreciate all the work, and time, and energy that goes into all that is parenting and being mom. Anyhow, this is for “the child” who, any day now, will inform me that he is no longer “a child” and that I really need to get a grip; but calling him so keeps things in perspective.

Dear Justin,
The moment you were born I stared at every toe and finger in amazement. Those tiny little things, with nails I needed glasses to see, gripped my finger with the strength of an ant carrying the world. I remember wondering what you would turn into, what you would look like as things grew and filled in. 13 years seemed an eternity away, and I simply couldn’t fathom who you would be and the relationship we would have. All I knew was that it was my job to make sure you were happy and healthy. I spent hours watching you sleep, and breathe, and play. As your spirit began to find a voice, and your body a way to express itself, your sense of humor and vibrance filled my life. Despite tantrums, and stubbornness, and all the challenges that made up your effort to be who you needed to be, I never once asked myself what I was thinking, having a kid. I knew, the day the nurse came out to inform me that the pregnancy test was positive [“Oh,” I said, “Positively NOT pregnant.” and she stared at me a moment like I was a complete dunce and said, “No, you POSITIVELY ARE pregnant.”] I knew that you were everything I could ever want. You were welcome in my life in every way, and I enjoyed EVERY moment of pregnancy, EVEN the heartburn, the big ass, the buddha-belly, and pushing for 11+ hours. It was worth every moment.

This is my list of 13 things I LOVE about you:

1. I love that you bring out my goofy-silly-playful side that at one time my sister was only privy to. It means that I get to laugh in ways I used to miss.
2. I love that I can play games with you, because playing games makes me think and takes me out of my head.
3. I love how smart you are and that your odd-ball brilliance makes it so no one can really miss the joy of having you around.
4. I love how you still take a hug when you want one, reminding me to stop and enjoy the love I have in my life.
5. I love that you still sleep in the craziest positions, all over the place, and that you claim that it is the dog that pushes you around on the bed.
6. I love that you know what I like to do and advise me what to try.
7. I love how your voice is crackling and changing. I still have a recording of a message on my phone that I listen to every month about a chess game you won against Sam, and it reminds me what you USED to sound like, so at least I get to keep that.
8. I am not sure I love that your feet have grown bigger than mine, or that you are taller. You don’t realize that it is a reminder that you aren’t a kid anymore – but I guess I like how proud you are about finally growing taller than me.
9. I love that I can depend on you to take Gizmo out on walks and entertain him when he thinks he needs to be stuck to me like a fly on poop.
10. I love that your movie commentaries are sounding more and more analytic and deep. Suddenly you are thinking about what really goes on in a movie.
11. I especially love that you and I can talk to each other with all kinds of accents, and that you do a great imitation of Arnold Schwarzenegger or a British accent which means some day you are going to read Roald Dahl to your kids and keep them mesmerized just like I did with you.
12. I love that you can take down all the “bosses” on the video games that I play, cause you know I can’t stand the anxiety of having one of those suckers keep taking me down and chase me!
13. I love how you tell me all kinds of fascinating things that you have gathered from your Popular Science magazines, and that you share with such urgency and delight.

You are, by far, my favorite kid in the whole wide world! I love you, even when you are exhausting, and funny, and pesky, and grumpy, and everything in between – Forever!

I yuv you yachts,
Me (your mom)

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